WELCOME to
F
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Male
Age:
21
Height:
5' 10"
Weight:
200 lbs.
Eyes:
Brown
Hair Color:
Varies
Shoe Size:
11
Chinese Zodiac Sign:
Monkey
Blood Pressure:
120/80
Marital Status:
Free & Easy
Hey,
Three years ago my boss came to me and asked if he could make an action figure of me. He painted a picture of financial independence, limitless wealth and hot babes. I signed the deal and soon after that the figure went into production. Everyone liked it, even my mom.
It was perfect, I had an action figure, a marketing team, the world was my oyster. What went wrong? You guys out there were supposed to buy me and you didn't! So instead of sitting on my yacht sipping a gin martini, I'm still working a 9 to 5 job as if I were just a regular guy. Oh, but the part about the babes came true. Chicks love a guy with his own action figure, just ask Mark Hamill.
Anyway, I found out today that I was being remaindered. That my boss was going to start selling me at a huge reduced price to "cut his losses" and that he said he was "getting out of the Fuzz business." Talk about an ego blow. I feel like less of a person. Each one of those figures was me and I feel like I was rejected over and over and over again. (Like a couple thousand times.)
You have one chance to help me put my life back together. Buy me at a reduced price. If you email and ask nicely, I might even sign the package for you.
Even if I'm not going to be rich, I can still be famous.
Thanks for buying me,
Fuzz
| Subscriptions? | Drink? | Smoke? |
| Atomic, Stuff | Vodka Martini | Parliment |
| The fuzztini: 2 oz. VOX Vodka 1/2 oz. Martini Rossi Dry Vermouth Shake with Ice in Shaker Strain into Chilled Martini Glass Garnish with Two Olives |
The fuzz philosophy:
You think I’m insane. I think you’re insane. Therefore, you’re insane because I know I’m not.
The only true philosophical question is: Where do I go from here? I recommend Las Vegas.
| In The future? | Thoughts on Religion? | Buddha or jesus? | Meaning of Life? |
| We’re All Doomed | “A big money-making scam.” | Neither | Devolution |
Top 12 Things I don’t believe in:
1. Time
2. Karma
3. Work
4. The Internet
5. Cat Juggling
6. Diet Soda
7. The ’80s
8. Dick Clark
9. Hippies
10. Pi
11. Tofurky
12. Magic
| Paper or Plastic? | Space Travel? | Thoughts on Kiwi? | Love? |
| Styrofoam | It’s All A Hoax | “I don’t eat anything that looks like testicles.” | Too Mainstream |