Author Archives: David

Announcing Monkey Goggles!

MonkeyGoggles.com Logo

You will be forgiven if your first thought when you read the headline was that Archie McPhee was going to start making glasses for monkeys, it totally sounds like something we would do. But in this case, Monkey Goggles refers to a website.

Think of it as a literary magazine whose sole sponsor is Archie McPhee. It’s going to be articles about things we love, great stories, humor, news and an occasional editorial opinion. We launched it on Monday, but haven’t really announced it anywhere to give us a chance to get our sea legs.

If it appeals to you, please follow us on RSS or subscribe by email.

Right now, we’re still figuring out what belongs and what doesn’t, but here are a few highlights:

Our owner’s angry interaction with Telly Savalas.

An excerpt from the lost diary of Abraham Lincoln describing his fight with bigfoot.

A random meeting with Herve Villachaize.

An overview of cartoon voice actors.

Chocolate fountains, delicious or disturbing?

The Mothman Cometh!

 Mothman, Bigfoot, Ultraman and an Apple,

We were excited about our new Cryptozoological Play Set, but also nervous about the reaction from those that study cryptids. Would we get the details right? Would they appreciate our take? Well, about ten minutes after it went up on the site, we got an email from someone telling us we got Mothman right!

Dear Archie Mcphee,

I was just looking around your site (Tends to cheer me up when I’m feeling down) and came across the new Cyptids play set.

But I was really surprised to see that, your Mothman, is designed from the witness accounts in the book! I’ve read the book many times over (And lost sleep over it), but have always resented the movie. Particularly for the ‘Ukrainian Butterfly’ thing. I’m Ukrainian, I ain’t heard of no bad luck butterfly.

Even the tiny town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, couldn’t get the design right. They erected a statue of ‘The Mothman’ (I believe after the movie was made) that clearly depicts a moth man. But it’s not the Mothman. In fact, the statue looked closer to the Mothmonsterman in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force show than what witnesses described. The program that featured this did manage to get an interview with Linda Scarberry, but didn’t ask her anything important.

So, props to you guys for having read the book!

Read or Die,
Phantom

I have to agree with him about the book, The Mothman Prophecies, being amazing and scary. The movie is unwatchable and may cause your brain to explode, especially if you’ve read the book. 

As a bonus, I thought I’d include this article we wrote for a fake newpaper on the back our our wholesale catalog.

Mysterious Mothman Sighting


Residents of Mason County are once again scared to go outside their homes after dark as reports of a red-eyed Mothman were made on Friday. Sightings of the Mothman usually go up in the spring, so it comes as no surprise to long time residents.

Local officials have voted money into the budget to set up a huge lightbulb on the edge of town in the hopes of drawing the Mothman away from populated areas. Mayor Duchovny said, “Last time he showed up he just walked into a supermarket window for an hour until someone turned the light out in the store. He’s more irritating than dangerous.”

Not so says Rebecca Serling who claims the Mothman is the father of her child, “If you think he’s so harmless, just try getting him to pay child support so that Mothman Jr. can eat. All Mothman wants to do is sit around and drink beer all day and then bang into lightbulbs all night. What kind of life is that for a family man?”

Customer Envelope Art!

One of the things we miss about getting most of our orders through the mail is the way customers used to decorate their envelopes. People didn’t just put a stamp on them and send them out, these folks spent some serious time and effort. While I was going through an archive, I came across a stack of them that we’d saved. One is by Steve Purcell, creator of Sam and Max! Here’s a few of the best.

Click pictures to see larger sizes!

Bibo Takes Seattle - Envelope Art

Martian Popping Thing Poem - Envelope Art

Break the Shackles of mindless conformite! Buy from Archie McPhee! Envelope Art

Sunbather - Envelope Art

Look Ma! I'm a Martian Popping Thing! Envelope Art

Thanks Archie! Pugsly Envelope Art

The True Story of Zombie Jesus! (Even though you probably won’t believe it.)

The Accidental Zombie Jesus

The story of the Zombie Jesus is hotly debated by our customers. They accuse us of cleverly importing a Zombie Jesus and trying to market it as a production mistake. Even when we tell customers the truth, they tend not to believe us. So, I’m here to set the record straight.

It was a mistake. As the description said, the Jesus Action Figure was one of our best selling products and we wanted to duplicate the success with a Deluxe Edition. The sample we got was great, the actual product when it arrived was not OK. I wasn’t the one that came up with the idea of calling it Zombie Jesus, but I was the one who thought some of our customers might want one. We set aside a few hundred of them to sell, the rest had to be fixed. (It wasn’t the first production mistake we sold – the He/She Doll was our favorite.)

I got to go down to LA to appear on Attack of the Show! a couple of days after they arrived (August of 2005). So, I decided that in addition to the folks on our Cult Email list, I’d open it up to the geeks of the world. After my television appearance I learned two things. One, I needed a haircut really badly. Two, Attack of the Show! viewers loved Zombie Jesus. I had to grab more of them to sell.

Here are the original description and announcement of the Zombie Jesus in our Cult Email.

Production Error Jesus!
Here it is, our super secret stash of rare, Factory Mistake Jesus Action Figures. Let us take a moment to explain. We are doing a Deluxe edition of our Jesus Action Figure in a special “Miracle Edition.” We made a new mold of the figure and asked the factory to make the palms of his hands glow-in-the-dark. Imagine our surprise when the figures showed up with evil red eyes and translucent glow-in-the-dark hands. Somebody (Satan? Beelzebub? Gary Busey?) really made a mess of things. Jesus looks like a zombie or a Sith Lord instead of a healer, teacher or Messiah. Obviously, we couldn’t release a savior with the steely, ferocious glare of a damaged Terminator robot to the general public. That’s where you come in! Before we send them back to be melted down, we thought we would give you, our best customers, a chance to buy one for your very own. These will only be sold until August 30th! We make no claims that this incredibly collectible piece will increase in value, but remember the Rocket Firing Boba Fett! Cha-ching!

FACTORY MISTAKE ZOMBIE JESUS – CULT ONLY OFFER
In addition to the librarian, we’re also making a Deluxe Jesus Action Figure, but when we got our first shipment from the factory, they made a horrible mistake! Instead of the subtle glowing, healing hands we had asked for, the factory gave Jesus hands of shocking, bright green. And instead of the calm thoughtful eyes of a messiah, they gave him the red, evil eyes of a Sith Lord. Put the parts together and you have Zombie Jesus! This horrible and unfortunate mistake is being made available only for a limited time and only through this link! If you have a friend who might be interested, please pass the link along. There is no link to this page anywhere on our site! Web only! Cult only!

PS: If we did do it on purpose, it would have been a lot better. Just imagine the package!