Archie McPhee, Hell and the Eighth Commandment

Two years ago, we got this hilarious and vaguely threatening voice mail about the Last Supper After Dinner Mints. The lady starts out pretty calm, but gets angrier as the call goes on. She loses steam and starts back up again a couple of times. Not only are we going to hell, but this mysterious group of hers has taken secret steps to stop a large corporation from distributing the mints to a large east coast retailer. “How we removed them is our business.” Sounds to me like they are saying they stole them. I hope not, that would mean that they broke a certain eighth commandment from a certain stone tablet.

If she is really worried about us and our salvation, wouldn’t she leave her name and phone number? Even the phone she called from had the number blocked, so it seems like she didn’t want to start a dialog with us.

The mints remain one of our best selling items.

Listen to the call.

12 Comments

  1. Posted March 20, 2009 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    Bless your little heathen souls.

  2. Posted March 20, 2009 at 8:28 am | Permalink

    even jesus should be allowed minty fresh breath!

  3. dez
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Why do Christians think apostates will respond to threats like these? It’s like, “Oh dang, I didn’t realize my religion joke would bother religious people. My bad!”

    C’mon. Doesn’t this woman have to do a cancer walk or build a house in New Orleans or feed starving Africans? Threatening a jokey-joke company is the most Christian work she can be doing? Gimme a break.

  4. Posted March 20, 2009 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    I will pray for you in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  5. Posted March 20, 2009 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    DrMatt: Flying Spaghetti monster only handles burnt dinners and lost soup spoons these days.

    Better to pray directly to Saint Button Horder who helps people that collect or distribute evil collectables.

  6. Posted March 20, 2009 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    Sorry, Saint Button “Hoarder”. Man, now I have to say three spell checks to get guidance.

  7. Posted March 27, 2009 at 7:50 pm | Permalink

    Could someone religiously-minded please point out exactly what a reasonable person could find offensive about the mints? I’m a bit perplexed.

  8. Tobermory
    Posted March 30, 2009 at 11:52 am | Permalink

    Does God get mad when his constituents call him a “man”? I get the distinct impression he typically thinks he’s better than us.

    I ask you this in jebus name.

  9. Joni
    Posted March 31, 2009 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

    @Xopher – I think it’s the implication that Jesus had bad breath. (For some reason I am reminded of the old Far Side cartoon where God goes on Jeopardy. Gary Larson wrote about making sure that God had all the points and no one else had any, so as not to imply that God was anything less than omniscient, not to mention having the quickest buzzer-finger in all of Creation.)

    But I think it’s less a religious issue and more about having or not having a sense of humor. I consider myself pretty religious, I go to church every week, I read the Bible, and I don’t have a problem with these mints. I’ve seen some religious ‘humor’ that was actually pretty mean-spirited but these mints appear to be deliciously minty and nothing more.

    (I have to admit I am wondering about her threat to have them pulled from shelves: I thought you could only buy McPhee products online?)

  10. Posted April 2, 2009 at 5:45 am | Permalink

    “How we removed them? That’s our business.”

    For some reason, that stuck out at me as the most awesome part of the whole awesome voice mail.

  11. Anne Marie
    Posted April 21, 2009 at 1:23 pm | Permalink

    OMG

    ROFLMAO

    How we removed them is our business ….

    I can just see a bunch of “Christians” liberating them from the shelves saying that theft is only okay when doing God’s work.

    As a christian myself, I say bollocks to people like this :P

  12. VD
    Posted June 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm | Permalink

    Wow! That’s awesome! It’s like PETA for mints! “Pray to the Man!” “What goes around comes around.” I guess you are in store for some mighty minty breath! Not bad Karma to have…