How do you improve Thanksgiving? We recommend our Inflatable Turkey and Eagle Talons. Imagine playing living room turkey-volleyball with all your relatives and then delivering the turkey to the table wearing talons! It’s like all your dreams have come to life. Well, our dreams at least. We’re seeing a therapist for it.
The Bah, Humbug! Candy Cane is designed to appeal to the grump/curmudgeon in your life. Even Ebenezer Scrooge has a sweet tooth.
We all know someone who doesn’t enjoy the holidays, so why not give them a white flavorless cane to brandish when they complain about overplayed Christmas carols and how the holiday is all about greed and spending.
This is one candy cane that has no Christmas spirit whatsoever.
The Instant Audience electronic noisemaker puts the power of an audience in the palm of your hand! You just told the best joke anyone has ever told and the wet noodles around you aren’t even laughing. There is no justice! Well, our Instant Audience lets you carry around the crowd reactions you deserve.
Worth buying just so you can play the cricket sound after one of your friends tells a terrible joke. Batteries included. Divorce lawyers at your expense.
Super charge your manliness with the Bacon-Scented Mustache. The gosh darn thing smells like bacon. All the bacon. Maybe you aren’t man enough to even wear it! But wearing it will make you so manly that you won’t care.
This is the kind of thing that goes perfectly with woodworking, killing a snake with your bare hands or grilling a giant steak. It’s the only mustache that makes you hungry all day. It’s 4″ wide, which is enough to mask your pathetic, unmasculine, bare upper lip.
You’ve got the Horse Mask, but your whinnies are pathetic. It’s hard to creep people out when your horse sounds make everyone around you point and laugh. Use this Emergency Horse Noisemaker to push your Horse Mask trolling to the next level!
This electronic device features four sounds (neigh, whinny, snort and gallop) that catapult you into the stratosphere of awesome horse trolling. Also good for phone conversations that could stand to be a lot horsier. Wear your Horse Mask secure in the knowledge that your horse noises won’t be hoarse noises. Batteries included.
Scott’s son has a temporary Poe toe! That little piggy is Edgar Allan Toe.
The Cat Video Clapperboard makes your cat feel like a star! You need to take the YouTube and Facebook videos of your cat to the next level. To get that standard of quality will require multiple takes, which means you’ll want this clapperboard. This tiny 4” x 3-1/2” wood clapperboard is the perfect thing to mark the takes of your kitty doing adorable things.
Lights, Camera, Action, Meow!
The future is here! We may not have our own jetpacks just yet, but we do have bacon-flavored carbonated candy that sizzles just like the real thing:
Sizzling Bacon Candy not only tastes like smokey bacon, it also turns your tongue into a frying pan. As soon as you douse your mouth in candy, the sizzling sound makes it seem like you’re cooking bacon over a campfire. Except it’s in your head and the campfire is your burning passion for bacon (and your saliva which is what activates the candy). Watch this video for a tantalizing demonstration:
Lots of things taste like bacon, but how many sound like bacon? Thanks to this breakthrough in confectionery science, life just got even better for bacon lovers everywhere.
Looking for a gift for a friend who has been depressed or unmotivated? Give them the Emergency Self-Esteem Kit. That’s right, nothing makes grumps happy faster than attention and gifts!
This kit contains everything you need to rebuild a damaged psyche including a trophy you can give yourself, stickers, a book of affirmations and gold stars. You probably feel better just reading about it.